Fatherhood in post separation world
September 6, 2008
Divorces are sure to wreck families. Its effect on children can be even more devastating. But with patience, care and understanding, the damages caused can be considerably brought down. Separations are always painful, and you might be going through the worst part of your life. But as a dad, it is your responsibility to effectively manage the situation and protect the child from experiencing the worst of it. The first thing to keep in mind is that each child is unique. Never make an attempt to compare your child with that of your friend’s. Each child has his own ways of adjusting to the new situation, which of course is challenging. However busy your days may be, you should find time to listen to your child. Be a good listener and make them talk about how they feel. Their experiences need to be acknowledged from your part.
Now, what is your dilemma? If you are waiting for that ‘push’ to be kicked off, here it is. These are certain universal guidelines which helps you to get started. Conflicts should be concealed from children. They should not witness heated arguments being exchanged between you and their mother. Absence of such conflicts will help the child to adapt better to the post separation world. Never try to convince the child your reason for divorce. Their relationship with their mum need to be respected. They won’t tolerate when their mother gets criticised by you in your friends’ circle. However hard it may seem, your dislike towards your ex-wife should not be revelaed before your kids. See to it that the cessation of the second income does not bring down the strandard of living of your children. It might mean over work from your part, but ensure that you have enough money to meet their needs.
Once out of the wedlock, it might be difficult for you to remain friends with your child’s mom. But do atleast ring her up once in a while as that will make your child feel more secure about his future. Another important thing is to keep up the words of promise that you make. You can easily achieve this by committing only those things which you are sure you have time to do. Never let your pain and frustration get spilled over your child. Always remember that you are the adult and he is only a child.
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